“Celery is great after a good pee.”
Have you seen this crappy show called "Wonder Pets?" It is a horribly animated piece of garbage on Nick Jr. It features three animals (a duck, a turtle and a hamster) who travel around in a flying boat helping other animals.
My daughter wanted to watch TV in my room while I did some school work. In the emotionally scarring episode I had to witness the Wonder Pets received a call from a puppy who really had to pee but was stuck inside a house.
Well, short story shorter, they show the stupid dog how to use the doggy door to go outside. After helping the dog pee, the duck busts out some celery for everybody to eat and says, "Celery is great after a good pee."
What? Are you kidding me? Celery is great after a good pee?
"Hey, Jack, whatcha eatin' there?"
"Celery."
"Oh. Good pee, huh?"
"Yeah, really good. You want some?"
"No, my pee was only so-so."
Stupidity: A Definition
The lady at the gas station who was really enjoying her morning cigarette while pumping gas into her van.
Thanks for not blowing me up.
A Math Lesson
Brought to you by the fine folks at Kleenex, the makers of Cottenelle toilet paper.
While "dropping the kids off at the pool," I noticed a package of Cottonelle toilet paper near by. Neat! I wasn't going to be wiping with the cheap crap from the warehouse store that comes 800 roles to a package and somehow manages to remove skin while leaving fecal matter behind.
Imagine my amazement at discovering not only was today's wiping experience going to be exciting and new, but there was a little math lesson on the side of the package of toilet paper. A pleasant change of pace in the sphincter cleaning realm and a bit of education, too. Entitled as a "Roll Size Guide" a little chart shows how a double roll equals 2 single rolls, and a triple roll equals 3 single rolls.
Holy crap! You mean to tell me that 1x2=2 and 1x3=3. When you double something you get 2 of that thing, and when you triple something you get 3 of that thing. What a great day! A clean bum and math fun. Defecation should always be so entertaining. Thanks Cottonelle.