P. F. Changs for Lunch
The sweet and sour pork was especially tasty, as were the lettuce wraps. It was all good. Food always tastes better when it's free, huh?
Here's my fortune from the fortune cookie:
"Make those special talents you have work like a charm."
The Circle of Life (and the rather crescent shaped dotted line of creativity)
About ten and a half years ago, I came home from spending two years in Philadelphia serving a mission for my church. Shortly after arriving home, I decided to audition for a musical entitled The Secret Garden. Despite being only 21 years-old, I was given the part of the villain. Of course, in my mind he really isn't an out-and-out villain, he is just... well, character interpretation is not the point here. Suffice it to say, he is the antagonist. Big role. Great songs. And I landed the part. It was also my first non high school, non youth theatre, paying gig.
Almost 11 years and more-pounds-than-I-wish-to-reveal later, I have the opportunity to play him again at the same theatre. (Hence the Circle of Life title. Pretty clever, huh?) I am so excited. I love theatre, I love acting. I love my wife for letting do it, especially at this time in our lives when money is beyond tight and I should be finding a second job to help pay for things.
In the end though, I have realized something that should have been really quite obvious. Acting is how I define myself. At least, it is how I define myself for the moment. I am a creative person and acting is my creative outlet. Heaven knows I'm not getting my creative fix from the career side of life. Creativity in my jobs is like a white guy in West Philly: rare and endangered.
All my life, career-wise, I have done things that I could either barely stand or simply hated. Not that I am any more deserving of a good job than anyone else. I think most people spend their entire lives working in a job that they can just stand. It's not something they love, but they can stand it. My biggest gripe with my past positions is they were all jobs that used absolutely 0% of any creativity I have. My current position is not much better. (Although it beats the snot out of working for TSA.) I have always wanted a job where I could be creative, but have never had one.
Now, there are factors that are more important than having a creative job, like feeding my children and keeping a roof over their heads. Maybe I will never have a creative job. Maybe I will never have a career that I identify with, or that means more to me than just a paycheck. And, due to factors that are too personal to get into here, I am pretty much resigned to the fact that I will never have my "dream job."
But...
If I am going to spend the bulk of my waking hours away from the people I love, shouldn't I do my absolute best to find something I can be passionate about? If I have to leave home everyday, only to hear about the things my children are doing, rather than experience them for myself, shouldn't I like where I am at? I know I have the responsibility of Bread Winner, but can't winning bread be fun and meaningful and creative? Is this too much to ask for?
Maybe it is. But I will keep trying anyway. And until I find that perfect job, thank God I have theatre and a family who supports me in it.
Hiatus
I think it is safe to say that my posts of late, in fact my attention to blogging in general, has waned considerably. When I first started it was, of course, new and exciting. Blogging was just making a name for itself and wasn't yet being made fun of by stand-up comedians and late night talk show hosts. I was really into it then. But recently, meh.
Granted, most of my blog fodder had come from working for the Transportation Security Administration, part of the Department of Homeland Security. You know, the guys who brought you FEMA. However, I recently took a new job. It's hard and challenging and infinitely better than the ole Hell Hole.
When applying for said job, I went through and erased everything off of Tales of Strude. This, in retrospect, was a mistake. At the time, I was thinking I didn't want my potential future bosses to search me out on the internet, find my blog, and then read the loving words I had for my then current employer TSA, not to mention all the other crap I talk about.
I should have just erased the questionable posts, but I was in a hurry and just deleted everything. I have reposted some of the old content, but this is a chore and, quite frankly, I don't know if most of it fits anymore. I honestly don't know what does fit here anymore.
I started Tales of Strude as an experiment really. I had heard about blogs from somewhere, looked into it, found Blogger (which I love) and tried it out. I wanted to find out if I could come up with enough interesting things to talk about, and do so frequently enough, to make it worth the readers' time and attention. I have always wondered how humor columnists like Eric D. Snider (someone I greatly admire) are able to consistently write funny, entertaining pieces. Don't get me wrong, I never assumed that I could ever reach great heights in a stupid little blog. It was just an experiment.
After a while a few people (who weren't related to me) found the blog and they liked it. Then BOOM, addiction set in. Much like the applause after a great performance, the kudos and comments were like crack. Now I write fewer and fewer posts per month. As a result, I am back to the only people who read anything here are either related to me or have lost their way on the information super highway. (Does anyone still use that phrase anymore? Well, I ain't lettin' it go, baby.)
Also, life has really kicked me in the teeth as of late. blogging is something extra on the plate right now.
So, what am I rambling about? I don't know. Something has to change here. I still like blogging... I think. I want to like it like I used to, but I don't know if it fits my life right now. If I am to make it fit, it has to be different than what it is right now. I don't know if that means revamping Tales of Strude, or if that means totally dumping Tales of Strude and starting anew somewhere else and letting people find me again.
Until I do figure it out, this is it. Hopefully it won't be for long. Hopefully it won't be forever.