The Circle of Life (and the rather crescent shaped dotted line of creativity)
About ten and a half years ago, I came home from spending two years in Philadelphia serving a mission for my church. Shortly after arriving home, I decided to audition for a musical entitled The Secret Garden. Despite being only 21 years-old, I was given the part of the villain. Of course, in my mind he really isn’t an out-and-out villain, he is just… well, character interpretation is not the point here. Suffice it to say, he is the antagonist. Big role. Great songs. And I landed the part. It was also my first non high school, non youth theatre, paying gig.
Almost 11 years and more-pounds-than-I-wish-to-reveal later, I have the opportunity to play him again at the same theatre. (Hence the Circle of Life title. Pretty clever, huh?) I am so excited. I love theatre, I love acting. I love my wife for letting do it, especially at this time in our lives when money is beyond tight and I should be finding a second job to help pay for things.
In the end though, I have realized something that should have been really quite obvious. Acting is how I define myself. At least, it is how I define myself for the moment. I am a creative person and acting is my creative outlet. Heaven knows I’m not getting my creative fix from the career side of life. Creativity in my jobs is like a white guy in West Philly: rare and endangered.
All my life, career-wise, I have done things that I could either barely stand or simply hated. Not that I am any more deserving of a good job than anyone else. I think most people spend their entire lives working in a job that they can just stand. It’s not something they love, but they can stand it. My biggest gripe with my past positions is they were all jobs that used absolutely 0% of any creativity I have. My current position is not much better. (Although it beats the snot out of working for TSA.) I have always wanted a job where I could be creative, but have never had one.
Now, there are factors that are more important than having a creative job, like feeding my children and keeping a roof over their heads. Maybe I will never have a creative job. Maybe I will never have a career that I identify with, or that means more to me than just a paycheck. And, due to factors that are too personal to get into here, I am pretty much resigned to the fact that I will never have my “dream job.”
But…
If I am going to spend the bulk of my waking hours away from the people I love, shouldn’t I do my absolute best to find something I can be passionate about? If I have to leave home everyday, only to hear about the things my children are doing, rather than experience them for myself, shouldn’t I like where I am at? I know I have the responsibility of Bread Winner, but can’t winning bread be fun and meaningful and creative? Is this too much to ask for?
Maybe it is. But I will keep trying anyway. And until I find that perfect job, thank God I have theatre and a family who supports me in it.