The Ass Factory
Makers of fine asses since 1972.
If I had known I could buy me a new ass to replace the one I have, I would have done it years ago.
Mommy’s Mammary Malt
That could be a new flavor of Ben & Jerry's if PETA has their way. In their latest look-at-me stunt, PETA has sent a letter to Ben and Jerry saying they should replace the cow milk used in Ben and Jerry's ice cream with human milk.
Two questions:
How can you possibly squeeze enough boobies to make all that ice cream? And where do I apply for that position?
I now pronounce you…
So, I performed my first wedding on Saturday. I say first like I will do it again. That was probably the only wedding I will ever perform. Some good friends asked me to marry them. I was honored they wanted me to do it.
I think it turned out okay. I was pretty nervous, not to actually do it, but I was nervous about the material I prepared. After all, at one point in the ceremony I put on Mickey Mouse ears. Gotta say, that was a bit of a risk. But it fit the couple and hopefully made it memorable.
In any case, congratulations to Jen and Keith, I hope you have a long, happy life together.
Check out some more photos of the day by clicking here.
Bad Ads
Too lazy to read? Then let me do it for you.
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First of all FOX, I understand your need to advertise and tell us all about your exciting programming. However, your ads that mimic radio call in shows not only make me not want to watch, they make me change the radio station.
Another radio ad chapping my hide is the one with Tawny Roberts pimping something or other in Vegas. It's been running for a while now. Every time I hear, "High roller treatment, baby," I want to swerve into oncoming traffic.
This next one has been running for almost as long. That freaking Junior Nation song for Mountain Dew's Amp. This one hurts, because Amp is my energy drink of choice, but when I hear that chick with the smoker voice sing about her inflatable chair and her 88 tattoo, I scratch another week off my calendar. At this point, I won't be drinking another Amp until July of '09. The makers of Monster thank you, Junior Nation.
This last one is local, I think. It is for a home builder who is holding drawings for free gasoline for people who tour their model homes. We open with two women. "Funny meeting you at the gas station," the first woman says as if she has just crapped a golden egg. It's a gas station, not a strip club, so why is it so fascinating you ran into somebody you know.
Then the second women runs through the list of errands she has been running, hence her need for all the naked women gas. The first comments on how expensive that is, what with the current gas prices and all. Then, with the snotty attitude she has for the whole commercial, the second lady responds with a not for me. Ha ha ha, loser.
She then explains how she won free gas from touring a model home. Then, in the final nut cruncher, she says she liked the house so much, she decided to buy one.
WHAT!
She isn't talking about buying some sausage she just sampled at Costco. She is talking about a freaking house worth hundreds of thousands of dollars that she decided to buy on a whim because she liked it. Now, I know there are people here in America who can do that, but how many of them are listening to bad sports talk radio along the Wasatch Front?
"Honey, I'm home, and guess what I did today? While out running errands, I bought a house. It was just so cute, I had to have it."
Jesus Is My Friend
Now, I have heard Jesus called a shepherd, a master, even a lamb. But never, until now, have I heard of him referred to as a mountie who always gets his man.