Pooping in the Dark
Let’s take a break from the serious political discussion for a moment, for I have a tale to tell. And like all tales worth telling it takes place in the john.
Our bathrooms at work have timers on the lights. If no one has been in there for a while, the lights shut off. I know, very green of us. There also is a motion detector right by the door so when you swing it open, the lights pop on. Ain’t technology grand?
Now, we have already discussed the benefits of a work poo, but there I am still a bit of hesitant doing anything other than tapping a kidney in a public rest room. And even then, I would rather see a man about a horse without an audience. So, whenever I sojourn to the bathroom, I open the door slowly to see if the lights are on or off. If the lights are off, not only is no one in there, but no one has been in there for quite some time. I don’t know why this is better. It just is.
Now, I don’t know what the time limit is set for. I have never had the lights go off on me and sometimes it takes a while for the train to leave the station if you know what I mean. And of course you do. I am nothing if not not subtle. Anyway, the time limit seems pretty reasonable.
So, today after enjoying ounces and ounces of cola goodness, mother nature called. I opened the door slowly. Ha-ha, the lights were off. I pushed the door open the rest of the way, the light came on and I smiled to myself. I would have no audience as I drained the main vein.
I rounded the corner and there they were. Two shoes and crumpled jeans visible under a stall door. And judging by the sound, my fellow employee was mid-wipe. Mid-wipe when the lights came back on. So, was he mid-wipe when they shut off causing him to wait for the next guy to enter before finishing, or was he doing his best to manage in the dark, much like the pioneers of old?
I wanted to ask him how long the lights had stayed on - seems this would be valuable information - but I didn’t. I was too busy biting my lip to keep from laughing.
October 28th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
LOL LOL LOL
You were his hero! The light in the darkness!
LOL LOL LOL
October 28th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
Or maybe he fell asleep. Dave falls asleep on the pot occasionally!
October 28th, 2008 at 8:10 pm
Generally I like to believe people like that probably just spent too much time playing games on their phone or something like that. Either the lights went out before they got tired of playing (and they used the phone’s display as some sort of flashlight to prepare for the curtain call), or they just dilly-dallied a bit too long.
October 28th, 2008 at 10:34 pm
That’s the sanctuary of sorts. Our pot at work is a one-holer, so if you can get in, you are guaranteed privacy. Of course you still have to deal with the aromas of your predescessors. Luckily we have a long-tall can of lysol in there.
Somtimes I go in there if only to get away from the constant barrage of people wanting we to do stuff. Plus I get the joy and satisfaction of leaving the next on e in something to remember me by.
Falling asleep on the pot? Heck yeah! No more of this dreaming I gotta pee bit! LOL
October 29th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Ah hahah! That’s awesome. I hate work bathrooms. They are so sick. It’s tough to look “The Grunter” in the face or take a file/pencil/anything from “Pee and Flee”.
October 29th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
Here we also have “No Flush” and it’s not like it’s an occasional senior moment, either. This guy refuses to flush.
October 31st, 2008 at 11:14 pm
Ba ha ha ha ha ha ha! This one made me actually laugh right out loud, then I had to read it to my husband.
At least he wasn’t hopping from the stall with his bum hanging out and waving his arms trying to get the lights to turn back on when you walked in. There’d be no recovery from that, one of you would have to quit.
November 7th, 2008 at 10:58 am
The worst is when you have no choice but to use the stall somewhere and things take a while, or you have a run on the inventory…and the lights go out. Do you hurry and open the stall door in order to get the lights on and hope no one comes in? Do you wipe and try to get out of the stall before someone comes in and have it result in the situation you described? That’s just a bad situation all around. Stupid timer lights.
November 16th, 2008 at 12:01 am
Being suddenly left in the dark in a strange toilet, sounds a bit creepy. Though not as scary as being on the toilet during a big earthquake.