As the end of the work day approached so did the old familiar stirring in the guts letting me know of the eminent arrival of the USS Fecal. Then I was forced to ask the age old question: Do I hold it in, thus ensuring I leave on time but risk the possibility of an uncomfortable commute, or do I lay cable now thus ensuring the comfortable commute, but risk having to stay at work later than I want.

After much pondering, I came to this conclusion: Why wouldn’t you drop the kids off at the pool while at work?

First, you’re getting paid for your time on the throne. Making money while splashing the pot has got to be one of the most awesome work activities ever. Possibly, second to only one other activity one can do in the workplace, but that is off topic.

Second, not only are you making money, but saving money at the same time thus maximizing you monetary gain. You’re using free TP, free soap, and free water. This all a win-win, baby.

And at my building, the fates have conspired to add yet a third benefit of the work poo, well at least the end of the work day work poo. The janitorial staff usually completes their duties in the men’s room towards the end of the day. This means I get a clean bowl devoid of other people’s butt cooties.

Bottom line, even without the fresh, clean john, taking a dump at work just makes financial sense. They should teach this crap in business school. See what I did there?

Today’s Post Defecation Commute Provided by a Shuffling iPod

• Paradise City from Appetite for Destruction by Guns N’ Roses: Slash’s flying fingers during the final frantic minutes of this song is still one of the best riffs ever.
• To The End from Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge by My Chemical Romance: These guys just plain rock. They have quickly become one of my favorites, especially after the release of The Black Parade.
• Your Winter from 10 Things I Hate About You Soundtrack by Sister Hazel: Nothing incredibly special about this song, but I like it.
• Looking Back On Today from So Long, Astoria by The Ataris: Nothing really makes this band stand apart from the rest of the punk infused pop bands that are out there, but the title song from the album, which is an ode to the movie Goonies, is a great song.
• WWOZ from Friction Baby by Better Than Ezra: This band is very underrated. The images and stories their songs create in my head are the reasons I love them. Some of their songs have some surprisingly violent images hidden in beautiful music. WWOZ, however, creates lazy, summer images that remind me of family vacations spent visiting relatives in Mississippi and Tennessee.
• Enthused from Dude Ranch by Blink-182: Loves me the blink. If I was creating an all star rock band, Travis Barker would be my drummer, hands down.
• By Starlight from Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness by Smashing Pumpkins: In my all star rock band, Billy Corgan would be one of my song writers and he definitely would by my producer. I mean, this guy made me like a Hole song that he produced. Hole! Hole, people! Freaking Courtney Love. Billy’s got mad skills.