When I heard the news that John Hughes died earlier today of a heart attack while walking through Manhattan, I was sad.  I was surprised at how sad I was.  His movies hold a special place in my heart and childhood.  Ferris Bueller’s Day Off – The Breakfast Club – Planes, Trains and Automobiles – Uncle Buck – Sixteen Candles – Pretty in Pink – Some Kind of Wonderful – She’s Having a Baby.  I enjoy them all.  They were huge while growing up and I still quote them to this day.

So long, John Hughes.  And speaking of quotes:

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

Ferris: I’m not European. I don’t plan on being European. So who gives a crap if they’re socialists? They could be fascist anarchists, it still doesn’t change the fact that I don’t own a car.

Ferris: I asked for a car, I got a computer. How’s that for being born under a bad sign?

Ferris: Not that I condone fascism, or any -ism for that matter. -Ism’s in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon, “I don’t believe in Beatles, I just believe in me.” Good point there. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus. I’d still have to bum rides off people.

Sixteen Candles

Samantha: Donger’s here for five hours, and he’s got somebody. I live here my whole life, and I’m like a disease.

Samantha: I can’t believe my grandmother actually felt me up.

The Geek: Can I borrow your underpants for 10 minutes?

Pretty In Pink

Duckie: His name is Blane? Oh! That’s a major appliance, that’s not a name!

Andie: Well, not nothing. I mean, I kissed him…
Iona: Anywhere interesting?

The Breakfast Club

Andrew: We’re all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that’s all.

John Bender: So it’s sorta social, demented and sad, but social.

John Bender: I just wanna know how one becomes a janitor because Andrew here is very interested in pursuing a career in the custodial arts.

Planes, Trains, And Automobiles

Del: We’d have more luck playing pickup sticks with our butt-cheeks than we will getting a flight out of here before daybreak.

Neal: He says we’re going the wrong way.
Del: Oh, he’s drunk. How would he know where we’re going?

Owen: Her first baby came out sideways, she didn’t scream or nothin’.

Del: I’ve never seen a guy get picked up by his testicles before. Lucky thing for you that cop passed by when he did. Otherwise, you’d be lifting up your schnutz to tie you shoes.

Uncle Buck

Miles: Where’s your wife?
Buck: Don’t have one.
Miles: How come?
Buck: It’s a long story.
Miles: You have kids?
Buck: No I don’t.
Miles: How come?
Buck: It’s an even longer story.

Buck: Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face! Good day to you, madam.

I have no words.

Too lazy to read? Then let me do it for you.

First of all FOX, I understand your need to advertise and tell us all about your exciting programming.  However, your ads that mimic radio call in shows not only make me not want to watch, they make me change the radio station.

Another radio ad chapping my hide is the one with Tawny Roberts pimping something or other in Vegas.  It’s been running for a while now.  Every time I hear, “High roller treatment, baby,” I want to swerve into oncoming traffic.

This next one has been running for almost as long.  That freaking Junior Nation song for Mountain Dew’s Amp.  This one hurts, because Amp is my energy drink of choice, but when I hear that chick with the smoker voice sing about her inflatable chair and her 88 tattoo, I scratch another week off my calendar.  At this point, I won’t be drinking another Amp until July of ’09.  The makers of Monster thank you, Junior Nation.

This last one is local, I think.  It is for a home builder who is holding drawings for free gasoline for people who tour their model homes.  We open with two women.   “Funny meeting you at the gas station,” the first woman says as if she has just crapped a golden egg.  It’s a gas station, not a strip club, so why is it so fascinating you ran into somebody you know.

Then the second women runs through the list of errands she has been running, hence her need for all the naked women gas.  The first comments on how expensive that is, what with the current gas prices and all.  Then, with the snotty attitude she has for the whole commercial, the second lady responds with a not for me.  Ha ha ha, loser.

She then explains how she won free gas from touring a model home. Then, in the final nut cruncher, she says she liked the house so much, she decided to buy one.

WHAT!

She isn’t talking about buying some sausage she just sampled at Costco.  She is talking about a freaking house worth hundreds of thousands of dollars that she decided to buy on a whim because she liked it.  Now, I know there are people here in America who can do that, but how many of them are listening to bad sports talk radio along the Wasatch Front?

“Honey, I’m home, and guess what I did today?  While out running errands, I bought a house.  It was just so cute, I had to have it.”

Gotta say, geeking out more than a little bit.

So, he’s made an R-rated movie. Big deal.  Is that supposed to make up for the fact that every movie he makes is worse than the last?  The Sixth Sense was great.  Unbreakable was good, but didn’t match the first movie.  I couldn’t stand Signs and after that, well you get the picture.

When the biggest point they have to sell a movie is its rating, then I don’t hold much hope that it will be very good.

“In my job, I have to bend over a lot.”

Don’t we all, my man. Don’t we all.

Then I read a story like the following and realize, hey, I’m gonna be alright.

Chinese officials reported on Monday that a man died after a three-day gaming binge in a southern Chinese internet cafe.

Tragic? Yes.

Funny? You betcha.

Due to some unexplained medical reason, Paris has been released and placed on house arrest. Her sentence was changed back to the original 45 days, so she will spend the remaining 40 days of that sentence confined to her home with an ankle bracelet.

Yeah, house arrest in a huge mansion with a pool. That’s gotta be tough. Way to prove you could take your lumps.